One Voice

Last night I realized the extent of the Fukushima nuclear catastrophe. Fear rose up, like an unwanted intruder. “Are we safe here, what about my boys, what will happen to all of us? “ It was a very personal fear; the deepest of all fears. It was the fear of death.

When I woke this morning, my journal called and my morning pages came to life. I wrote with abandon, no thought, no consideration and I poured out my grief. My grief for Mother Earth; for the fish in the sea, for the birds that own the air and the green life that is her coat of many colors and the source of our sustenance. I cried for the children, here now, full of hope and for those yet to come. I cried for all of us and the tears flowed and the words wrote themselves.

Then my prayers filled the pages; a prayer for all of us, prayer for guidance. I prayed with abandon because the truth is, I have no idea what to do, how to stop this and make this right. “I am lost”, I prayed. “I don’t know what to do! Show me!. Please show me!” Then I lay my burdens at the feet of the Lord of the Universe. I surrendered all of it, my life, my loves, my hopes, my dreams, my very being. I surrendered all of it. And the tears flowed and the call came.

I put down the pen and I closed my eyes and the Great Mystery called and I heard her. Wrapped in love’s arms, I floated. I melted into the great abyss and all of it dropped away. The grief, the sorrow, the pain, even the surrender, because there was nothing to surrender. There I stayed. I missed my favourite yoga class and I floated. I open my eyes at last when life called me and I did the dishes and sent my love on his way.

As the morning unfolded and I enjoyed the glow of my earlier experience, something inside of me began to mutter. “This isn’t it Cheryl!” Argh! I could just scream! “What do you mean this isn’t it?” “There is more.” the voice responded. Then I saw a book. It is a little book that sits on the table in my Heart Cave (my personal sanctuary) called The Way Out, written by an unknown author. I opened the book to a chapter called “The Next Step” and I read. The words were familiar, not just because I had read them before, but because I live them.

The words rang like church bells, calling me to truth. “The way out has been shown to you, but you must walk in it. No one can do it for you.” See God as yourself and continue to do this until you feel yourself as God, as love, as the divine. “Make a determined and unrelenting effort to think only God’s thoughts and to see and hear only the good and perfection in everything and everyone, resolutely shutting your eyes and mind to appearances and looking right through them to the good they hide.” The next step is to be love, to trust and turn it all over to the divine. This is my experience. When I do this, in this moment, the divine works through me and I am alive and awake in a way that I cannot begin to describe.

And then, you guessed it, I cried. I cried because I doubted myself. I wanted to ask someone. Is this true? Is this it? “I wish I had visions, I wish I saw lights, I wish I heard voices so someone could tell me if this is it!” Then I laughed out loud. The truth is, I do hear voices. This inner conversation is proof. I just don’t trust that it is THE voice. And then the voice said, “There is only ONE voice. What other voice would there be?”

The truth is, I have waited for that magical, mystical moment, when I will be forever changed. Those moments, come, they go and they come again. Every time they come, I think, “That was cool, but that’s not it!” And I go back to the basics, to living, loving and trusting. Then I return to the silence for my nourishment. I return so that this form that I appear to be can return to the world and once again be love. I am in awe of the simplicity of it all.

Is this THE truth? I don’t know. It is simply the truth revealed, in this moment. You see; I am just like you my beloved friend. I hear my voice. I hear ONE voice and I know that I will listen more closely now.